i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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