So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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