If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
