You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
