it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
