So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
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