i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
