capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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