Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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