i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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