our cab driver is having phone sex.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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