dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
