True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Randomize
