i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
