I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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