his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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