Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
