I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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