hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize