When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
