i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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