my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
