On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
