i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
