yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
