dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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