Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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