please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
