I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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