I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
