i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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