i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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