Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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