So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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