If i come over, it means nothing
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
