um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
