The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
