Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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