i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
worst night to have a conscience
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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