I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Randomize
