i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just found a bag of teeth...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize