This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think my nap took me to another dimension
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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