judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
