I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
