i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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