My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
