The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
