I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
