you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
