is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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