Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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