I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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