I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize