The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
