I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
