TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
