It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
