About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
