even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
