I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
