you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
