Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
