You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
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