just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
