break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize