we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
