I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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