meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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