I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
