So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
