hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
