At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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