I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
