Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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