Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
