Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
