i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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