apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
