Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
