Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
