Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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