I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
